Of the 305 million Americans polled during the 2022 U.S. census, 8 million moved over the past year. While many of those number stayed local, several million packed up their worldly possessions, left their home and found a new one. They were chasing work, love, happiness or fame, and they couldn't have what they were looking for where they currently lived.
There's something romantic about moving. Not the logistics of it, like boxing up your towels and plates, but the philosophy of it. Someone decides that wherever they are doesn't work, and they're willing to pull up all their roots and replant in a place that does work. Moving represents rebirth in that way. You get to reset your life, with new friends and a new job and a new outlook.
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But as splendid and poetic as relocating to a new city could be, it is also, in many respects, terrifying. People get used to routine, and find comfort in sameness. Moving away represents a forsaking of routine, and a farewell to sameness. And during those first weeks or months in a new place, someone can feel quite naked and lonely without those constructs. Despite all of the reasons behind the move, someone may begin to question to decision immediately, during that time of uncertainty.
It would be callous of me to tell someone new to town and with no friends that "things will get better" or to "don't feel bad." Even under the best circumstances, moving is difficult and emotionally challenging and no one ought to trivialize it by telling someone else to just "hang in there." That said, as an advice columnist, I do have some advice I can share to make the transition to a new city a little easier. Your goal is to become a local, and your friendly neighborhood Mystery Man can give you some thinks to think about to help get you there.
Did you move to California to become an actor? Or to Boston for an education? Or to Dallas for a job? Or to Chicago to become a comedian? Or to Michigan to be with your boyfriend? In times of sadness or loneliness, remember the reason why you're there. And commit to that reason. If you moved for graduate school, or for your dream job, throw your energy into that. Your goal is to justify why you are there. If you went out to the west coast to act, then act. If you went far from home because you love your boyfriend, then love your boyfriend. Don't ever let that first period of uncertainty overwhelm your desire to do what you are supposed to do in this new place.
Just because you moved doesn't mean you should abandon your hobbies and passions. If you were a runner in your old town, be a runner in your new town. Same with yoga, book clubs, volunteering, gardening or anything else that you care about. You are the sum total of all the things you love, so find ways to start doing the things you love in this new place that you love. Nothing spells being a local quite like being a quilter that knows the best yarn store in town.
The sooner you find friends, or even just acquaintances and kindred spirits, the sooner your new town will feel like home. So don't be afraid to make friends. Follow your hobbies, join a social sports league, take an improv class, do some volunteer work or even just casually date. Get yourself out in front of people and start building a group. It's hard to be lonely when you're surrounded by friends.
Even if money is tight after the move, find a way to try out the local restaurants, bars, coffee shops and bookstores. Start making a list of favorite places and give them your repeat business. Getting a muffin at your favorite bakery every Saturday morning, for instance, will let you start creating the routines and habits that made your last home feel like home. People are creatures of habit. So use that psychology to your advantage.
Moving isn't ever easy, but there are ways to make it less hard. Keep why you moved on your mind, find places to continue your hobbies, create new friendships, and discover favorites. Do those things and you'll be a local (hopefully, a happy local) soon enough.